carleymeiners

If I could rewind to Saturday night I would.

I would take back my actions, my thoughts, and my decisions.

I wouldn’t have agreed to go out with other guys Saturday night, knowing it would make you uncomfortable.

I wouldn’t have allowed myself to keep that a secret.

If I could rewind to Saturday night I would tell myself to stay calm.

I wouldn’t have cared that when we were at a bar with friends, you went to go talk to girls as part of the game we were playing.

I would have kept my cool.

I would have acted like I was 21 and not 15.

If I could rewind to Saturday night I would tell myself that acting mature and saying you’re mature are two different things.

I would have told myself not to cry, especially in public.

I would have kept control of my emotions.

I would have realized that when someone says they need space, you give it to them.

If I could rewind to Saturday night everything would be okay today.

I wouldn’t have freaked out.

I wouldn’t have said irrational things.

I would have just let it be.

*****

If the world was perfect we would be allowed to change time. But it’s not. If I were perfect I wouldn’t let my heat-of-the-moment emotions get the best of me. But I’m not. The funny thing about dating is you’re playing this game where you learn from your mistakes together. You have to pick and choose your battles, and this one should have been a conversation, not an argument. Being emotional is not a problem, but overreacting is.

If I could rewind to Saturday night I would have breathed a little more often.