carleymeiners

You’ve certainly heard that high school isn’t the most important period of your life. Yet, when I was there, it felt pretty significant. Even though I had a strong relationship with my family, my friends were more important. Worse, I was obsessed with boys. I’m talking check my phone every five seconds to see who texted me. I would hang out with my boyfriend more than I would my friends. When I couldn’t see him for the weekend, I would cry. You would have thought the world was ending. I spent too much time trying to please boys. Looking back, I wish I had been wiser.

Here’s what I would tell my high school self.

First of all, spending too much time making someone else happy, oftentimes before I made myself happy, is unhealthy. There was instances where my boyfriend was peeved at me for whatever reason, and I was so afraid he would dump me. Ultimately, I was trying to make a boy happy who was flirting with my friends behind my back. How horrible, right!?

Spoiler alert: he didn’t last, and neither did the rest of my crushes. So why didn’t I concentrate more on my friends, family and me?

First of all, it wasn’t cool to hang out with my family a lot. I love my family, and honestly when I come home from college, I spend more time with my family than actually seeing my old friends. But in high school, I just wanted out. I don’t think there is anything wrong with exploring other relationships with your significant other or your best friends, but family will always be around through it all. The only thing I wish I had more time for after I left from school is my little sister. Once I moved out, she suddenly grew up.

Don’t get me wrong — my current boyfriend is one of the most important things in my life, but what’s different now is the amount he pushes me to be my own person. The first agreement we made when we first started dating was that we wouldn’t lose friends because of our relationship.

This meant that even if it were Saturday night, it wasn’t an assumption that we were hanging out. It means I don’t have to feel bad for spending time with my friends. It means I don’t have to feel bad for enjoying my spring break with my family instead of him. It means I don’t have to feel bad about having my own life.

Strong relationships with the people I’m close with in my life are what keeps me going. It’s all about balance. Every relationship I have, whether it’s my boyfriend, my mom or my best friend, is important in meaningful ways. I call my mom when I need someone to tell me realistic life advice. I call my best friend to listen when someone is being stupid. I call my boyfriend when I need someone to unconditionally listen to me cry.

Although, ultimately, your relationship will be a top priority in your life, your friends and family shouldn’t feel left behind. There’s more to life than falling in love. Your relationship will strengthen when you have an independent life.

High school is important. It’s where I discovered that I wanted to be a journalist. Without it, I wouldn’t be here talking to you. I just wish I stopped obsessing about boys and focused more on making myself happier.