carleymeiners

Let me start off by saying I’ve been sitting on this blog post for many, many (many) months now.

2016 was a rough year for me … and no, not because of Donald Trump.

It was a year of hurt.

It was a year of love.

It was a year of definition.

But most importantly, it was a year of growth, especially pertaining to my relationship.

Last year, was the first full year that Matt and I have lived together. We have learned SO many quirks about each other and our relationship throughout the course of the year. Like how he forgets to wash dishes, and how I tend to leave clothes on the floor for days. We’ve learned how to fight more productively. We’ve learned how to love each other more productively. And with those quirks and other outliers, 2016 turned out to be a crazy, emotional year.

Throughout the course of the best year … and the worst year Matt and I faced career pivots (same companies but new, career-defining roles), scary, family health scares, growth in faith, our engagement(!!!), and many, many tears.

Although we have been celebrating the start of our life together, I have also felt we would never actually see our life together.

*Disclaimer: Every time I sit down to write this blog, this is where I stop. I’ve debated so many times on whether this would be productive or destructive. With that said, the details below are going to be vague, but my heart will not be.

Matt and I faced an immense amount of hurt in our relationship this year. Hurt coming from outside our relationship but was a deep wound inside our relationship.

I will also disclaim that Matt (or I for that matter) did not cheat, abuse or do anything harmful to me besides maybe a few exchanges of harsh words (which came from both ends). 😉

At one point throughout the course of the year, we were sitting on our apartment floor crying and wondering why, although we prayed, worked on ourselves and continued to be loving towards others while still protecting our relationship, we were still being hurt. This came with anger and frustration that we tended to take out on each other (as most couples do). What was supposed to be the best year of our life (i.e. our engagement year), was turning out to be the most hurtful year in our relationship.

But, as I’ve said above, it was also a year of growth.

We both grew in our careers. A process that has been demanding, rewarding and an oh-so-great experience. We both grew older, him 25 and me 24. And lastly, we grew in our relationship.

There was a turning point where I told Matt, “I know we want to fix our problems and stop the hurt, but that is out of our control.” I explained we needed to focus on each other and strengthen, as much as we can, our relationship before we commit to forever with each other.

The rest is up to God.

That means, learning to love each other even if the other person is hard to love. It means learning, forgetting, re-learning and learning some more on how to fully forgive someone whole-heartedly. It means setting boundaries together and learning what works for our relationship. It means realizing that life isn’t sweet and happy all the time (even if our social media handles say otherwise). It means owning up to what we could have done better. And what we did our best at.

It means being each other’s partner 24/7, 100 percent of the time.

That’s what I’m most excited about for 2017. We will finally commit to each other, publically in front of all the people we love most. And from here on out, it’s our life together that we will face and tackle.

So although there are many more lessons to learn this year and the rest of our years together, 2016 was a blessing disguised as a curse. Although it came with a lot of hurt, we survived, and I will attest that we are the strongest we’ve been as a couple. Not perfect, but the future feels brighter than it did even just a year ago.

I guess, when you look back at the year as growth, 2016 was actually the best year. Just that.